Time is Dead Until the Watch Stops

Dear Father,

I can’t forget time anymore. You gave the watch to me so that I might forget, but I can’t anymore. It follows me and it won’t stop. I cannot forget what you said anymore, about anything. I can’t forget that time is only dead until the watch stops. I tried to make it stop, I did. I turned away but the day was sunny and the shadow kept coming and I failed. I failed at everything, Father. She asked me to do one thing for her and I couldn’t. Of course I couldn’t; I couldn’t do anything for her. No one would believe me when I tried to save her, not even you. She wouldn’t believe me. Well, no wonder. Everyone knew I was lying. But she wouldn’t let me save her. And then she went away and asked me to look after you, Father, you and Benjy. And instead of trying, I left too. And now even the broken clocks keep time and the shadows are always there because the day is sunny. I know now that none of it mattered to you, that it was all words and all made up and it didn’t hurt you and it didn’t matter. But it matters to me. It matters too much and I can’t fix it and I can’t stop it and I can’t save her. I can’t save any of us. I can’t save myself.

I’m sorry, Father. I’m sorry I couldn’t forget. But I’m forgetting now. I hope that soon you can forget again, too.