The odor of Honeysuckle

To whom it may concern,

   I tried. 
       Lord, knows I tried. I tried to save Caddy. I would've taken her anywhere, anyplace, just the two of us and His baby. We could've even taken Benjy. We could've done it. Then Benjy would get his money back...though he could never get his pasture back. For that I am sorry. Will you please tell Benjy I am sorry. Find him and make him understand. I am sorry. He deserved a better brother, hell, he deserved a better life. It's our curse: The Compson Curse. Maybe Mother was right and we just had too much of Compson in us. Caddy, Benjy, and I. I know she was right about Jason going to Harvard. He should've gone in my place. Tell him I am sorry. I should've been a better brother to him. He was always a Bascomb and he always deserved better. He deserved Harvard. He would've gotten along with men like Gerald and Spoade; he would've fit right in. Though I tried. God. I tried. All a man can do is try. What's he got left after that? 

       His shadow and boat races, that's what. Tell my Father I can finally watch the boat races. I can only hope that it is as incomparable as you imagined. Will he finally be proud? Father. I know I've disappointed you, but you've disappointed me too. You were It. You were The Head of Household, you were supposed to be strong and tough, and teach me to be strong and tough. You were supposed to protect the Compson dignity, but you held to your bottle instead. Your eyes didn't blink when Caddy's reputation was destroyed. When mother rejected the Compson name, you didn't say a word. You are supposed to protect our name. But he didn't, so I had to. But I failed. I am sorry I failed, Father. But I tried. I tried. And now I can join my shadow and your boat races in the depths.
 
      Honeysuckle. I want it to be the last thing I smell. Home. Jackosn. Tell Caddy the last thing I smelled was honeysuckle. She will know. She will remember. Tell her...she was the last thing I thought of. Tell her it wasn't her fault. None of it. Dalton, the baby, nothing. I should've been able to save her. She just didn't know. She couldn't have known what she was doing. It ruined her. It ruined her. But I should've saved her. As a Gentlemen from the South, I should've been able to stop all harm, nothing should've broken her; she was supposed to be pure and dignified and honorable, and I couldn't save her. Tell her how important she was to me. Tell her. She means everything to me. Tell her. Tell her I smelled honeysuckle.

      Quentin Compson